Before Anything Went Wrong

Lately, I have been thinking about where our stories begin.

For much of my Christian life, when I thought about my need for God, I naturally began with what had gone wrong: Sin. Brokenness. Wounds. Bad choices. Fear. The experiences that happened to me and the mistakes I had made. The places in my life that needed healing, forgiveness or transformation.

And when I wasn’t looking at myself and what I had done wrong, I was often looking for what the enemy might be doing. Because of the way I had understood spiritual warfare, I had learned to pay close attention to the ways darkness could influence our lives—open doors, strongholds, lies, patterns and places where the enemy might have gained a foothold. I still believe there is an enemy and that evil has a real influence in this world, but I have begun to recognize that I was sometimes giving the enemy far more attention, power, and influence than he deserved. I see now that sometimes it even became a kind of blame game: either something was wrong with me, or something had gotten access to me, and I needed to figure out how to fix it. 

Whether I was looking at myself or the enemy, I was still beginning my story with what was wrong. And certainly, those things are part of my story. But lately the Lord has been reminding me that they are not the beginning of my story.

I have spent an awful lot of time beginning the human story in Genesis 3. But God didn't:

Before there was a fall, there was a garden.

Before there was shame, there was relationship.

Before humanity was hiding from God, humanity was walking with God.

Before anything had gone wrong, God created human beings from His love and in His image. He blessed them, gave them purpose. Then He looked at what He had made and He called it very good.

That has been changing the way I think about myself, my own life—and the way I see other people.

I have spent many years sitting across from people who are hurting. And when someone is struggling, it is very easy to begin with the question, “What happened to you?” And that’s an important question. 

But I’m becoming increasingly interested in another one:

“Who were you created to be before what happened to you?”

Before rejection named you?

Before fear became your operating system?

Before someone else’s words became your inner voice?

Before failure convinced you that you weren’t enough?

I don’t mean some imaginary, perfect version of you who never makes mistakes. And I don’t mean that the painful parts of our stories don’t matter. I mean something much simpler.

You were God’s idea before you were anyone else’s..

Psalm 139 says that He saw us before our bodies were formed. Jeremiah describes God knowing him before he was formed in his mother’s womb. In Ephesians, we’re told that we are God’s workmanship, created for good works He prepared for us in advance.

There was intention in our creation.

There was design.

There was goodness…and there was love.

Healing isn’t just about discovering what went wrong.

It’s about remembering who we were before anything ever went wrong. 

I’ve begun asking different questions when I sit with the Lord. Not only, “Lord, what do You want to heal?” but also:

“Father, what did You originally see when You thought of me?”

“Who did You create me to be?”

“What is true about me that existed before fear, pain, or other people’s opinions told me something different?”

And perhaps those are questions worth sitting with for a while.

An Invitation to Listen

If you have a few minutes today, find somewhere you can be quiet and still. You don’t need to work anything out. You don’t need to analyze your childhood or make a list of everything that has happened to you. Just become aware of the Lord with you.

Then ask Him:

“Lord, before anything went wrong, what was Your original design for me?”

And listen. 

You might also ask:

“What have You placed in me that I have yet to fully receive and embrace?”

“What have You always known to be true about me?”

“Is there a name I have been carrying that You never gave me?”

“What do You want me to know about who I am?”

You don’t have to strain for an answer. You can just gently listen. Pay attention to a thought, a memory, a Scripture, a picture, a word, or simply a sense of what He might be bringing to your attention. Write down what comes, and then take time to bring it back to Him and continue the conversation.

You may discover that God isn’t trying to introduce you to a completely different person.

He’s inviting you to see the person He’s had in mind all along. 

Before anything went wrong.